E! Presents behind the scenes at FF7!
by Rat2K1
Summary: You know the E! programs on t.v? Well the Rat has compliled a short behind the scenes for the game Final Fantasy 7. Review, and thou shall be saved.


Written by the Rat.  
  
All of these characters were created by Squaresoft, and not by me. If I did I would have put Kurt Hawk in it.   
I also didn't make or work for E! magazine. But I do own Kurt Hawk.  
  
Review, rinse and repeat.  
  
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
E! Exclusive presents.....  
  
Behind the scenes at Final Fantasy 7!  
  
"Hello, Kurt Hawk here, reporting for E! magazine. I am here today at Squaresoft, and am talking to the actors and actresses who portray the   
characters on the game. First up I talk to Cid."  
  
"Cid, how did you come to work in this feild of work?"  
"Wait a sec Kurt. Hey! Assistant! Get your ass into gear and stop pissing around and get me and this git here some TEA!   
Sorry about that Kurt. Sit down. Over there. Now. Well, I was found in a bar where I used to work. I was drinking some tea and these   
goons come up to me and wanted a fight. I had no weapons so I grabbed a mop. I kicked all their arses, and still had time to drink me tea.   
Anyway some git in a suit comes up and asked me if I wanted a job on a new game so I applied and got the part."  
  
"I now talk to one of the monsters in this game, the fearsome Emerald Weapon. Now Emerald, how did your skills help in this game?"  
"Well, I took seven years of modern dance and six of ballet. I suppose my Shakespeare classes at Harvard payed off as well."  
(Footage is shown of Emerald acting.)  
"Are we ready? Good." (Cameras roll) "Arrrgggghhhh."   
"How was that?"  
  
"Next I talked to Red XIII, and about how he feels we can all benefit from the game."  
"Well, I see this game as a parody of modern life, I mean pertaining to modern ideals and socio-benefits it really portrays society as a whole.   
If you include the ecomonic values and the environmental factors you could almost interpret this as another vehicle of life, and not some   
video-game. Is that all you wanted to ask me? Kurt? Where did you go?"  
  
"Next I talked to Cloud Strife, and asked him whether he thought this game was suitable for todays audiences."  
"Duh, wot wos da questin?"  
  
"My next question was for Tifa Lockheart."   
"Tifa, what do you have that other actresses don't, and allowed you the get the part as the leading lady?"  
"Um, I think it could have been my dedication to the game. I give 110 percent everytime I step out there. Or, it could be my down to Earth   
beauty and charm. My involvment in several children directed organisations could have won over the producers, as it showed them my   
sensitive side.   
Or it could have been my really big breasts."  
  
"My last question was for the magic pots."  
"Magic pots, how come you give out so much points when you get beaten? Do you feel you have been typecast as the stereotypical monster   
that everyone spends four days killing to gain easy levels? And whats with the "Gimme elixer?" Is that a drug reference?"  
"Well, I see our job as important in the running of this game. We provide the comical relief, as well as the relief from all the battles the main   
actors have. We have the most demanding job in the game. Getting our arses kicked."  
  
"Well there you have it. Great responses from great actors in a great game. Next week we interview the man behind the Masanume, Sephiroth.   
We meet the people who put the special effects of the Omnislash together and we talk politics, cooking and gardening tips   
with the Knights of the Round. This is Kurt Hawk, signing off for E! Magazine."  
  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
  
Ok, it was stupid, but review it, alright? At least it had Kurt Hawk in it. Also check out the Original's Horror section for his earlier work.  
Shane Mannell. 


End file.
